Masvingo pharmacist secret marriage blows up

Handizi ndega, Takawanda! Kkk ehe you are not alone Shumba! Hamuzi mega murambwi. You are many. It’s a whole legion of sex spirits on you. This is why you are a pervert that you are chinin’ina! Asi chii chaizvo mufana wami? Kuita chipfukuto chemadzimai. Oh yes a weevil in a bag of grain maize. Picture it!

So there is this guy, learned a bit of course because he can make a few concoctions and cure one or two sick people. Haisi n’anga zvayo asi; so call him Mr Concoctionist. But chinenge chin’anga futi; very rude if you interact with him pabasa pake apo! Oh that reminds Hoth of our Great School that once bragged to the whole world its feeble scientists had discovered a sanitiser. Chasura!

Let me explain, a sanitizer is no discovery; it’s just a concoction, no serious science there. Baba angu diro! MuZimbabwe makazoita science nguvai? So Mr Concotionist has turned out to be Masvingo’s greatest film maker ever. By the way n’anga ndidzo number 1 pakushooter mafilm ka! Don’t forget kuMakandiwa uko; haa ndaGaya! Those guys have shot films to their riches; lying, cheating and stealing even from the most educated. Call it naivety if you want but doctors and professors have lost their money rakacheka nyika.

Oh well, let’s go back to the concoctionist. Now a bit of biography about the man under Hoth’s microscope today, I mean this Concoctionist of course; he works in a western suburb of the Ancient City; oh yes you got it; towards the Horizon or is it in the Horizon. There in the Horizon comes cough syrup, cefuroxime and kkkk in the horizon are the morning after too! Asi Hoth ka?

Yaa remember that drama yema Morning After which happened at your workplace three weeks ago shumba murabwi. kkkkkk ndiko kunonzi kushooter film pachin’anga n’anga manje kuya. Wakagadzirirwa size mufana wami.

These guys came and bought morning after pills from you and after that said they had spent the night with your girlfriend and after that they beat you up kwaaaa! Makahwadziwa, ndakazvihwa!

Ehezve his totem is shumba murabwi from Chivi. What comes to your mind; exactly ndivo ka vana pfee pfee pfee. Please don’t get me wrong this is just a totem. Simpuru! So this concoctionist lived in

with this tweet of a girl or is it a twig of a girl; coffee in complexion, smooth face, slim like a tweet (I didn’t say twii, I said tweet don’t get me wrong please), ehezve, short hair, tallish, drives this little second hand Japanese car (they are always second hand anyway), always giggling; aikaka itai tonho ndikubatisei gure rese.

Tonhorai kunge Easter yevanhu vanotambira Bond. Ehezve uri seiko hako nhai chiramu? How was your Easter? Vari sei vakoma Tindo paJackie City apo? Asi Mai vepaHellen Mchghie vo futi vaya, Mwari ave navo! Kudzingira munhu basa mahips here vasikana kwaaa! Like really, firing a female worker simply because she has attractive hips? Ko mahips anodanwa nemunhu here, handiti

anongouya ega? Zvino nanhasi anongove nawo musvotwe. So this Tweet has a degree in media studies but Zim being Zim she is into hiring material for decorating special occasions, she is decorator kwaaa.

VaMhere it’s a long time mhani mudhara wangu. Packai  easy imi and by the way how is our

building? I mean this Be of Courage Building. Ko Tsungai yakatakuraka mwana wamudhara; mafilm ega ega. Every head you see hustling in that building is a movie on its own; a best seller? Those who write books, make that place your research center. A day in a life of a tenant or something like that. Kwaaa, unozipirwa.

Ko chihera wepaGaza paBuhera apa uri sei mudikanwi? Kuri sei kutsvuka?  Ko Maka- diiko Chief Murinye? Gono, Chirandu mambo wangu, oh yes my King! But statement renyu riya mambo!

So Twig and Mr Concotion have been staying as hubby and wife for three years now.

Marriage yepaghetto of course and the promise has always been ndicharoora, ndicharoora and ndicharoora. There has been a new date for marriage every year and Twig was this year told that finally it will be this year, 2022 of course. Baba angu gudo, wakamboona munhu anoroorwa muna November here nhai Twig!

Fast forward! It is one Friday night a few weeks ago and suddenly Mr Concoction is pampering and spoiling Twig with every gift in the book; zvinoita munhu achiri kunyenga zviya; some dolls, sexy G-strings, perfumes, sexy pills kwaa, kisses in every place. Wegona chitova! Next morning; yave Saturday zve iyi, the little tank is filled with gasoline (I mean this other tank, not the other one) and Twig is given the green light to visit a friend in Gwelo that she has been pleading to see since the two got into this obnoxious matrimonial arrangement.

What a memorable weekend? Kuchaya mapoto kunombofaya maMucheke umu. Two days earlier lady luck had smiled on Twig, her customer, another décor expert bought a lot of beautiful table clothes from her for a Saturday event; all pink. Chine manenji hachifambisi! Saturday morning, a red G-string up, good perfume on and the big white doll on the passenger seat. Girly Twig is off to Gwelo. Meanwhile this n’anga puts on his mapatapata (Ko iri rekuimba mapatapata, rakazoenda nepi futi ko harina kupiwa munda here), boxer shorts and heads off to the bar, ehezve paSisk apa. Kwaa just next to his workplace.

Saturday evening the two are back in their love nest. More kisses though both very tired now. Sunday morning, lazy Sunday morning by the way majangwaya akadayi you need a crane to take them to church although Concoction’s parents are both Romans kkkk sekuru Josefa nambuya Anna; paDon Bosco apa naCde Mayor. Both are rabbis too; imo maMucheke medu imomo umo.

Riri sei bond mateacher? So the happy couple wakes up to go buy good food at this supermarket opposite Hoth’s jolly good place. They go back home, spread their short and long legs on the bed relaxing.

Its 4pm and Concoction has to join other boys at this Caravan place where the last caravan was seen at independence in 1980. Ko n’anga iyi inonwazve imi. He drinks like a fish. Content with a memorable weekend Twig remains in bed going through WhatsApp messages on her phone. She is

tired like a horse; aa oh yes it’s obvious! She then finds herself lost in the status section. She whistles a bit as she goes through, smiles and even giggles. By the way these status can be very entertaining for the laid back.

Ko uri seiko hako nhai magumbo, haiwavo zvine basa rei ndoreva chero magumbo ini? Then boom like a bomb from hell, Twig is hit right in between the eyes. Mouth agape, eyes wide open, adrenalin

pumping, she is suddenly breathing like a donkey yoked to a camel. What a betrayal! N’anga yepaSisk, kwaa yazviita! The décor that Twig sold on Thursday is there on her customer’s status. There is no mistaking it. It’s there in big bold letters; the message rings loud and hollow, you cannot miss it!

CONGRATULATIONS Tawa and Ivory on your big lobola day. Upenyu mahwani! Oh yes! It turns out that as Concoction got into his Sunday best and drove off to a place somewhere in Chinemukutu as soon as Twig left for Gwelo. He then went through one of the best arranged lobola rituals. Totizve nemakorokoto vamamoyo kwaGutu uko mave nemba kwaaa. Yes, the bride to be is called Ivory oh yes Ivory Javas!Hoth waenda kwaJaravaza. Twig and Ivory are not the only female actors in this movie.

There are many others. Another key one is Mabhisvo Jaques who is based in SA and is so bitter she tells anyone who cares to listen about her ordeal with Concoction. She painfully heard Concoction got married and also got the date yekupereka; formal bridal introductions and came down to Zim.

Playing the same trick, Concoction put up for the night at Mabhisvo’s place the night before the bridal welcome event. Akavata achifirita as he always like to say but Mabhisvo had an ace card up her sleeve!.

Materu anoshura mukwidza. The bridal introductions held at Concoction parents’ place were a disaster. Mabhisvo hired the most notorious magarinya nemadhiniwe eMasvingo; pakaita batai batai.

All the vulgar including that which you may never hear in your life was said. “You slept at our sister, uchiita madiro aJojina nhasi kkkkkkkk………”.

Kanjani Muzvidzi wevasikana? Kkkkk Massy, Tamari, Ivy, Irene, Yeukai, Beauty, Eliza, Shamiso and Esitere kkkkkkk KwaJaravaza, Tungundu via Tonhorai. By the way your nude pics are the Mr Concoction. Iti pwee…

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