Man cancels wedding after catching bride pants down

Hehede! Seka hako HOTH uriko kwako kumaGumtree uko. People used to look down upon HOTH saying anongotaura zvenhema, but now he has proved to all and sundry that at times he doesn’t want to embarrass people by publishing a story with pictures, asi chokwadi chinenge chiripo hacho.

Do you still remember HOTH writing a piece entitled ‘Jenerari finds love in Masvingo’?  The piece was published in February. On February 12, 2022 to be precise and  boom this June something big involving matters of the heart happened. 

Of course the place, the characters, plot and everything was a bit choreographed. Kurasisa vavengi. Eheeka ko ungona kungotsvagwa kumaGumtree ugozvambura  uchibvunzwa kuti wakazviwanepi? Those who are in the know will remember what happened to award-winning editor and publisher Mark Chavhunduka (may his soul rest in eternal peace) and Chief writer Ray Choto. Saka evoo-o tongorova imbwa taka viga mupini.

Anyway, a lot of vows were exchanged this week. I know a lot of people wedded including His Excellence Vice President Rt Gen. Dr. Constantino Guveya Dominic Nyikadzino Chiwenga. Makorokoto makuru Soko. Murudzii zviya  maiguru Minie? MuKalanga here or Ndebele, Zezuru, Ndau, Tonga because vamwe vaitoti muKaranga? Zvinofadza even the First Family has sent its congratulatory message to the real General.

I also heard that in another country in the Southern Hemisphere south of the Equator Boss Cader just got married. Kkkkk yes, it’s true Boss Cader! Hoyooo! Those who used to doubt HOTH huyayi pano.  KumaGumtrees uko tinonzwirira hedu. Those guys in dark glasses and cheap nylon suits were enquiring how HOTH bumped into that one.   

In that piece HOTH talked about Mona, Maona or Moana and something about boutiques. Are you in the loop? He even talked about Boss Cader having a soft spot of trending fashion and loving women who have a taste of expensive, fashionable clothes produced by leading fashion houses. Do you catch the vibe? 

Do you still deny that? Isu vamwe vana HOTH chichanyanya kuti uraya inyaya yemakuhwa iyi. If you think HOTH is lying then go back to one of his pieces. Munofana kutomboisa HOTH mumabrackets Oh! Mean hugging (brackets) him that is if by any chance you happen to meet him. Let’s leave that for a moment.

Before I get into today’s business lemme warn a certain political turncoat from Bikita that if he continues with his overzealous behaviour HOTH will come down on him like a tonne of bricks. Someone should remind him that we know that he is a political prostitute. 

Who doesn’t know that he once hoped in bed with mai Mujuru’s Zim People First. Ukawana nguva ukwane iwe Gopo. HOTH anokunanika. You once crossed the floor denouncing Zanu PF but after you were admitted back in Zanu PF you want to be more Zanu PF than real Zunu PF members. I am watching you. Be warned! In your own words usada kutsvaga mbiri nekuzvisungirira pachibhorani.    

So this week we are back in Gutu again. As you know HOTH likes travelling so last week he went to Gutu. Ehezvee kumuchato kune mathrow in ka uko so pese pane itwa zve pasi pemhino he is always there. There nothing to chow in the Gum tree Republic so tinombopota tichirova rounds kutsvaga food.

I decided to go somewhere in the rural areas where they don’t know anything about HOTH so I ended up ndava kwaMukaro uko. Eekaka chedu chikomana Tawa changa chazviita wena. Ipo pedu paJaravaza apo. 

The young man deliberately forgot that the main function of a heart is to pump blood and not for loving. Mjolo unokufisa nanaSifiso avo. Baba vangu Gushungo iweee! Ngwenya vechigamba chitema! I was heartbroken after it was announced that the wedding was canceled because he caught the bride pants down with her long time boyfriend.

Ko hanzi vaitoita nhumba yemuonekadzano imomo mudressing room. Where is this world heading to guys? Hey, man! Are you kidding me, right? Did you say in the dressing room? Outside Oliver Mtukudzi’s Shamiso was already blurring from those speakers and the chorus from the crowd could be heard competing with the PA System. This woman has balls.

 Shamie! Siphiso! Shamiso! mwananguwee apa nhasi wanditsvata…! But in the dressing room chaitotsva. Dei ndirini Tawa wacho ndaiMugadza demo chairo mumusoro. As a guy from Gumtrees I am trying to figure out how this lady is sleeping at night after tearing apart our brother’s heart into pieces.  

I am not a male chauvinist but at times I think it’s not necessary to bring Njuzu dzemuSewage at home. Some will say HOTH is against women because he is not talking about men’s shenanigans and I will be like seriously, uyu munhu muroora ka uyu who has the audacity to drop her pants pamaba paari kuroorwa. Until next time enjoy the rest of your week. Adios!!!

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