King David, Batsheba and Masvingo Bank manager

Hee pano Chitova, apo Chitova, uko Chitova!! Kuti mambonyanyoita seiko nhai vana tabve kumigodhi? What have you done for them?

Remember the English saying about a fly. This insect has an insatiable appetite for toilets. Are you a toilet Chitova? Look at the people around you, thugs, gangsters, fraudsters; Baba vangu Nyati imi! 

Ende manga motomwaukiraka, isu tichingookera hedu! Kutiita vana fuza vabva kwaChivi nhasi. Go into a tarred road, dig a hole with your forefinger, spit into it and say izvi hazviitwi. You cannot have your open cheque on us. You can’t have a spirit to licence, isu takangotarisa hedu.

Ndokujairira vanhu ka ikoko. Bvuu nemwenje mudziva! Team Chitova, team Chitova! Chasura! Yaani? We gonna chase the thugs out of town. The snake has shed its skin. Ehe nyoka yavhinyura, kuvhenenga! Kkkk Hello chairman, tinokudai!

And rest assured Hoth had not gone anywhere. Hoth is around, full time!

And to this earth shattering one!

Vakomana musadaro mbuva dzavamwe vakomana. Three nights in a hotel. Ndimi uyu muchingotetena, boys haikona kudaro boys. Kkkkkkkk

Is it a sin to be poor? Imizve ndimi mava vanaKing David, isu toita vanaJoab, mukadzi wangu momuita Batsheba wamunodongorera akashama. Achitekaira muhotera, imi muchimwa whisky. Aaaa imi! Kana kuAFM yeku Down Town uko tinonosvitsana! Chasura!

There was drama last Sunday at the Synagogue. The holy place turned into a war zone. The man arrived frothing. Ehezve I mean this man who was jettisoned out of a clothing shop in town. Musamunyevera kuti Hoth heard his story. 

Joab was sweating on a cold morning. His eyes red. Ehezve, idzizve dzinogara mumidhandanda yeRujeko idzi. Ko zvine munyu ndozvinei? Ndidzodzozve. He told his story to anyone who cared to listen! 

‘Muno mune munhu aitora mukadzi wangu muno muchurch. Kusvasvanga mukadzi wangu three nights here? Panotofa munhu’.

And to imagine that this is the man who pays the highest tithe.

How are you at the Corner of Robert Mugabe and Josiah Tongogara there. Big institutions eish; High Court on one side, kkkkkk money money, money big money on the other!

 How are you Mr Fridge on the other side.

Sir Fridge attended Big Money meeting iwo mwedzi iwo uno in Salisbury. Ehezve Ndira uno. He was booked in a massive hotel room. Overlooking Samora Machel ehezve and Mbuya Nehanda Bridge rekuita official opening naPresident iri.

 Marooms aya haadi munhu one. Those who know, know! So Sir Fridge Capitalised with Batsheba, you know her mhani. Musanyepedzera kuzungaira imi vana musoro bhangu. Ndiyani, ndiyani kuita sei?

This Batsheba who works for this other shop where clothes are sold on credit. Shop yemaCivil servants zve iyi. Ehezve poti apa marobots, pamhiri nyama yehuku yakabve Mvuma. Aiwazve N Richards yomoreva inenge iri kuruboshwe.

Uyu mukadzi mukobvuzve uyu who works at the perfume counter. Uyu ane stood back zve uyu. Ndiyezve mukadzi wouyu murume wokunopenga kuVhuserere zasi kuRariweyi church.  Ehezve A……F…….M. Mai vangu mwoyo!

So Batsheba told the hubby that she was going for an interview in Salisbury? Iwo mainterview akati kuuya aya!! Hande kuUniversity kuinterview yebasa mhani iwe, kwaaa maseka ka! Those who know, know!

Joab smelt a rat when he realised that Batsheba’s Grade 7 and ZJC certificates were all at home. What interview without her highest certificate? He suspected this relationship all along and checked at Sir Fridge’s workplace and was told that Fridge as a big man was crowning at a hotel in Harare. 

And curiously the two arrived back in the Ancient City same day!

Hapana kudyiwa rinopisa pamhiri paRobert Mugabe paya! Sir Fridge has not been coming to work the whole of last week. Zvakatsvomana namukoma Joab! Asi Joab ka!

Joab even went to report the matter to Sir Fridge’s wife. Ehezve at the Rhodhesia Low Density Suburb in Carrots Street. And huye futi, unoona kuti murume azopererwa.

Chando hachiperi ichi ndotokunyevera!

Back to you Chitova. Just remember kuti mapurisa haasi okumba kwako! Kwaa!

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